A long overdue update

A long overdue update

I realize an update on the Zodiac Queen books is long overdue, and for that, I apologize. I’ll explain the best I can in this post, but first I want to let you all know that as of today, the pre-orders are no longer available on Amazon (the reason being Amazon’s immovable policies on pre-orders). They won’t let me change the dates, so I had no choice but to take down the pre-order listings. This doesn’t mean the books are cancelled. They’re still coming, and when they do release, you’ll be able to find them on Amazon.

As for readers who purchase books on other retailers, I’ve left the pre-orders up, since it’s much easier to work with Apple Books, Barnes & Noble, and Kobo when changing dates.

And speaking of changing dates, that brings me to the reason behind this longish post (which might be the most personal thing I’ve ever written). Some of you already know that I’ve been having a hard time writing due to depression and anxiety, as well as circumstances life has thrown my way. I’m a very private person and prefer not to put my personal business online, but I feel I owe you all an explanation.

So let me start from the beginning.

If you’ve been following me as an author and reading my books for the past decade, you’ve probably figured out I’m not a fast writer. I’ll never be one of those authors that can turn out new books every month, or even every three months. At this point, I don’t expect this to change, because as much as I’d love to increase my pace, I haven’t been able to do so in any consistent, meaningful way. I envy those authors who can write and write and write, but I’ll never be one of them, which frustrates me to no end.

I want to be that author.

I want to write all the words and get all of these ideas out of my head, but my chaotic process tells me no again and again. That being said, when I started writing the Zodiac Queen, I never expected these novella-length books to take me so long to finish. I never expected to struggle so much.

Then again, I never expected my cat to die shortly after releasing Taurus either, or for a pandemic to hit a couple of months after I lost what was essentially my therapy animal and best friend. My depression and anxiety hit with a vengeance at the beginning of 2020 and only worsened throughout the pandemic, but with the help of medication, I managed to release Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, and Libra.

Then, in July 2021, my family came down with COVID during what was supposed to be an epic cross-country vacation. The kids and I were holed up sick in a hotel away from home while my husband was in the hospital fighting to breathe. Thankfully, he improved, and we were able to return home and recover. A dear friend of ours wasn’t so lucky; he died from COVID a few months later, which sent me spiraling all over again.

I’m leaving a lot of stuff out, but it’s literally been one thing after another.

I write this knowing the same is most likely true for a lot of you. The last two years have turned the world upside down, leaving very few unaffected. I believe the COVID era has unleashed depression and anxiety on a lot of people, possibly for the first time, but for those who suffer from it already, I think the pandemic compounded the struggle. I feel like I’ve forgotten how to enjoy things, even things I loved before (the things that made me me). But once the mental chaos sets in, shit snowballs, and the days, weeks, and months bleed by in a fog.

Looking back, I can’t believe I’ve released one book in the past year.

One. Single. Novella.

Where did the time go? What in the hell have I been doing? I guess, to put it in simple terms, I’ve been surviving. After COVID, I had to relearn a lot of things, from putting sentences together in a familiar way to designing a new book cover. I can’t explain it or put my finger on exactly how, but I’m not the same author I was in 2019. My brain processes things differently now, and the writing, well that’s been a nightmare.

I had the best intentions when I started the Zodiac Queen, chose release dates, and set up pre-orders. I’ve always written well under pressure, but that one integral part of my process is gone. Instead of thriving from the pressure, I buckle under it now. The day I hit the publish button on Scorpio with minutes to spare on the Amazon pre-order countdown clock, I did so with many tears, heart palpitations, and a blood pressure reading of 160/100.

I can’t do it anymore.

I’d rather never write again than release a book in that manner.

That doesn’t mean I don’t regret upsetting so many readers with the constant delays. I understand the frustration, because I’ve never been so frustrated with myself. I feel like a complete and utter failure, and I’m so sorry for disappointing you all time and again. Just know that I’m trying, and I won’t give up, despite going through phases where I want to.

So thank you so much for giving me grace and patience. Your support and kindness keep me going.

I don’t have release dates yet for the last four books of the Zodiac Queen, but my current goal is to release Sagittarius by the end of summer, followed by Season 3, and Capricorn by the end of the year. That’s the best I can give right now for a (tentative) timeline.

In the meantime, if you want to be among the first to get updates and new release notifications, please sign up for my newsletter. I also post updates in my Facebook group.

Thanks for being such amazing, loyal readers. I hope you all have a wonderful summer.